maidiremai
27 days ago8
Why do I always have to insert “sorry” into sentences? Sorry I can't, sorr
I'm not feeling well, sorry I would need... Sorry I exist 😩 I can't help but apologize for everything, what about you?
11 comments
6
Posts and comments here share personal experience — not medical advice. For treatment questions, talk to a clinician.
boyofsummer
24
6 days agoMe too. It’s so annoying. I mean, having the need to do it is annoying, I don’t mean it’s annoying when people do it. Although, I try to think about it from the other person’s POV. wouldn’t you kinda feel bad if someone ELSE kept apologizing? So it doesn’t make them feel good! I once heard to replace sorry with thank you, and I try really hard to do this. For example: Instead of “Sorry I’m late,” you could do “thank you for waiting!” It makes people feel better I think. And when I actively try to avoid the instinctive “sorry,” I have never noticed a negative reaction! It’s so unnecessary, but I feel like I have to ughhh If I really can’t stand to exclude the sorry, I’ve tried changing it to a playful “my bad,” cause it just sounds less serious and less self deprecating. Like “oh dang my bad I thought we had (whatever)” instead of “omg i’m so sorry we don’t have it”
crazyraccoon
19
25 days agoI think having adhd leads to lots of broken promises and it becomes a habit. In my case, I actively try to restrain myself from saying sorry when it’s not necessary 😅
sonnek
36
26 days agoI‘d guess it has mostly to do with your upbringing and education and your family’s attitude towards asking for help. I do it, too, and I’d say it comes from what I learned about how to behave as a girl, and, in my specific case, from the shame my father felt every time he had to reach out to someone (because he has a serious problem with that). I’m trying to get over it and not to apologize for whatever - it’s easier to train this as first step in emails or messages, anything written. You could ask AI for positive phrases to use instead and then it’s just training 💪
maidiremai24 days ago
Can you explain better what you mean?
boyofsummer6 days ago
yepppp it’s as simple as this: if I say sorry, they can’t be mad. It feels like a sneaky cheat code sometimes.
spicy 24 days ago
“Over-apologizing can be a trauma response because the nervous system learned that staying small, agreeable, and ‘taking the blame’ was safer than risking conflict, rejection, anger, or punishment. Even when nothing is actually wrong, the body may still react like it needs to prevent danger. Saying ‘I’m sorry’ becomes an automatic safety behavior — a way to reduce tension, avoid upsetting others, or make sure the relationship still feels secure.” “It doesn’t mean the person is weak or dramatic. It means their nervous system learned to scan for danger and take responsibility quickly, even when responsibility isn’t theirs to take.”
Lucy 🧡💛🤍🩵💙
34
26 days agoMy parents always complain that I apologize for forgetting sth, they told me to do that when I was little and now they instead want a „I won’t forget it again“
boyofsummer6 days ago
The thing i hate so much abt forgetting is BRO NOBODY FORGETS SOMETHING ON PURPOSE. Forgetting is legit an involuntary thing. Why would I forget ON PURPOSE? And if I forgot, it means I literally did not have a single idea about it and how could I do something I didn’t know about???!! So really the thing ppl should be upset about is that I didn’t write it down, set a reminder, tell someone else, etc. Not the actual physical forgetting part!
spicy 24 days ago
Which is a set up for feeling shame. Just the nature of ADHD we will forgot things and not on purpose. Promising you won’t ever forget again is a set up for failing. I don’t promise things anymore that involve remembering. I say I’ll do my best and use strategies to help me remember like alerts on my phone or writing it down where I’ll see it. But I never “promise.” I will say that I do take responsibility but I can’t promise I will never mess up ever again because I’m human and there is not a single human on this earth that is 100% perfect.  I have enough shame over this kind of stuff to last a lifetime and I refuse to add to it anymore. It’s a little bit like setting boundaries with people.
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